dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
