We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
