Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
