escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
