if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
