All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
