I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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