We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
