that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
4 words: hood of his car
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
