So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
