Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
