Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
