You just made me feel so damn special
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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