saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
