New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
