i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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