Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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