did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize