I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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