He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
