I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
