just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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