you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
