WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love having hate sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
