Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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