my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
