party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
