Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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