I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
BRING THE BAGELS
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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