My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
