Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
