I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
