I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
