he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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