Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
