i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
