He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
