I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
