before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Come back. Shots need mouths.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
