I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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