When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
