He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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