he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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