Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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