Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
