He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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