NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
