Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
