hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
