please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
