The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
