Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
