DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
