what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
