wanna go halves on a baby?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat