there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.