I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.