he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.