Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
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Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize