jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
