So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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