this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
