I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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