My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
